He was lying on his back, legs up in the air, palms out and up as he stared vacantly at the ceiling.

He needed a nurse to clean him up.

I walked into room 136 of the rehab facility to see him. He’d recently had a stroke and needed round the clock nurse care while he recovered. He didn’t see me walk in and doesn’t know I saw this.

Even if I told him, he likely wouldn’t remember.

My Dad is an old-school, capital-B Brooklyn guy from the 60’s. Grew up the youngest of seven in a tough neighborhood in a tough borough during a tough time to live in New York City. Quick witted, wise to the world, street smart.

And here he was getting changed like an infant.

While nothing is worse than losing a parent unexpectedly, watching your parent go through a slow and painful decline is a close second.

While I can only speak to my own experience, here’s what I’ve learned.

Nursing Homes Are Expensive

“We want the best care money can buy!”

OK buddy. Get ready to pay $10,000 per month- if you’re lucky.

Depending on your parent’s level of independence, their medical needs, and other factors, you could be looking at a massive monthly bill to make sure they’re taken care of. That $10,000 could be the floor, not the ceiling.

A “budget” nursing home will still run you $5,000 or more per month, and that’s if you can get a spot.

“What about insurance?”

Well…

Insurance Won’t Cover It

Being over a certain age, Dad qualifies for Medicaid. Great news.

What they don’t tell you is that Medicaid doesn’t apply for home nurses or senior care facilities until you’ve “spent down” your assets and are under a certain threshold.

Literally called “Medicaid Spend Down”, you have to pay for senior care yourself with your own income and assets. Once you’ve spent it all and have nothing more to give, Medicaid comes to the rescue.

Most private insurance will only cover a small portion of long-term care costs, not nearly enough to make it affordable. So Medicaid it is- after you’ve spent everything you own to get under the threshold.

Work your whole life to save and invest properly only to die penniless because you chose to live too long and Medicaid doesn’t apply to you as a middle-class American. From the New York State Medicaid website:

“Allowed to keep”

Can you imagine?

The Claws Come Out

Say, for example, there are three children.

• One lives on the opposite coast and makes much more than the other children combined

• One is married with two kids and lives locally in a mid-sized house

• One is single, child-free, and lives locally in an apartment

How do you distribute responsibility for care among the three children?

Does the responsibility of paying for a senior care facility fall on the wealthiest child? They have the most and can cover the majority of the expense.

Should Dad should move in with the local child with the house? They have the room, and senior care is expensive.

Maybe Dad stays in his house, you get part-time home nurse care, and the single child goes over several times per week to parent-sit after they leave.

Are any of those fair?

Should the child that takes the burden of responsibility receive preferential treatment in the will?

Discussing who does and pays for what while caring for an aging parent can get heated quickly and has the potential to ruin otherwise strong relationships.

If you ever hear stories about adult siblings who went no contact, it’s likely over disagreements about arrangements for aging parents and/or resentment over inheritances.

Heated arguments can, do, and will break out. You may even start hearing from uncles and cousins who played small roles in your life up to this point but now feel they know best.

So what should you do to take care of an aging parent?

Hire An Elder Care Attorney

An elder care attorney knows the laws regarding taxes, gifts, and setting up wills. If your parents don’t have a will set up upon their death, prepare for even more heartache as you sort everything out.

Most importantly, an elder care attorney will show you how to move/hide assets legally so you can qualify for Medicaid.

Liquidating assets and giving lump sum gifts can be taxable events, and your aging parent’s generous gift “so you can enjoy it while they’re alive” can leave you/them with a hefty bill come April.

An expert in the matter is worth their weight in gold.

Discuss End Of Life Plans TODAY

The dramatic reading of the will in an attorney’s office where the children sit around and wait patiently to find out what they’ll get is a cliche TV trope.

This should NOT be how it’s done in real life.

Before your aging parent passes, you should know…

• what accounts exist, how much is in them, and how to access them

• who gets what (especially important if real estate or a business is involved)

• end of life preferences (do they want to be cremated or buried? Where?)

The first point is especially important. Imagine grieving your parent while trying to log in to their brokerage account or 401(k) to figure out how to transfer assets, or your Mom finding out your Dad had a secret account he never told her about.

“But my parents are in perfect health!”

Great, that means they’re in the right state of mind to make rational decisions about end of life care and last wishes.

Set up a will today if you haven’t done so already.

Talk To Your Parents TODAY

This is one I missed out on.

After his stroke, while my Dad is lucid and aware of his surroundings, he struggles with recalling memories of his past.

What was it like growing up in Brooklyn in the 60’s? Was it like on TV?

What was it like seeing the Giants play at Yankee Stadium in the 70’s? What was Grandpa like at the games?

Did you ever get suspended from school for fighting? Did the other guy deserve it?

Simple questions that I could have asked at any point in my life, but I didn’t.

And now it’s too late.

A lifetime of memories trapped in the vault of the mind, lost to time.

In Memorium

Maybe you don’t have the best relationship with your parents.

But hopefully, you do.

Either way-

They will get old.

They may die suddenly and without warning, or experience a slow and painful decline like mine.

Either way-

They will die.

If you can, call your parents and say hello.

If you can, visit your parents and say hello.

It’s later than you think.

Subscribe now

Welcome to the latest issue of Tough Scene, a lifestyle newsletter for denegerates.

In this issue, we’ve got:

-Horrendous Tik Tok Trends

-A proud cuckold husband

-The aforementioned Reddit Tik Tok Thots

Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and subscribe.

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: @roseharrt

@rose.harrt#fakebody #girls #bodypositivity

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Current Horrendous Tik Tok Trend: Gimme One Margarita

Spend thirty seconds on Tik Tok and the algorithm will show you women describing the sexual acts they’re willing to perform as they drink more margaritas.

@chloewalshxoGimme one margaritaaaaa 🍒 #margarita

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

If you’re unable to follow the sequence of events described, please see Figure 1 below.

Yes, the song actually uses the word tush. Next time you’re sexting, use the word tush and see how fast she blocks you.

The song in question, One Margarita by That Chick Angel, was deemed “Feminist Hit Of The Summer” by the National Organization For Women.

But not everyone is on board with the trend. Here we have “Sister Cindy”, a college campus preacher, warning students about the dangers of giving women margaritas.

The message is clear: buy women margaritas if you need to get laid.

Leave a comment

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: @lolarosetok2

@lolarosetok2#bikini #bikinimodel #redhead #curvy #curvytiktok #thighs #thick #thightok #pink #lolarose

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

A Proud Cuck

Meet Adam22, YouTube star and host of the popular No Jumper Podcast, alongside his wife, porn star Lena The Plug.

Lena had been starring only in girl on girl videos since their marriage. However, Adam22 recently tweeted the following:

Adam had decided to finally “let” his wife film a scene with another man. The man in question, Jason Luv, is known for his facial tattoos and unusually large dick.

The responses to Adam22’s tweet went exactly as you’d think.

Adam22’s response to the haters:

While we are not judging, we can safely say that a marriage that requires you being “happy to report that your wife’s vagina has returned to pre-BBC size” is not for us.

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: @amouranth

@amouranth_0ficial#viral #amouranth #trend #fyp

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and subscribe.

Share

Welcome to the latest issue of Tough Scene, a lifestyle newsletter for denegerates.

In this issue, we’ve got:

-Girls simulating blowjobs on Tik Tok

-Women arrested for fucking dogs

-The aforementioned Reddit Tik Tok Thots

Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and subscribe.

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: @jackie_852

@princesss_jackie @princesss_jackie ♬ original sound - Kim Holden

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Women Fucking Dogs: What The Fuck?

In April, 19 year old Mississippi resident Denise Frazier was arrested for after posting a video on Snapchat of herself having sex with a male dog. A concerned citizen saw the post and tipped off the local police.

According to Jones County Sheriff’s Department Sergeant J.D. Carter "In my 17 years in law enforcement, this is one of the most disturbing cases I’ve ever investigated" before forbidding his officers from discussing the case.

Surely this horrendous incident is a one-off, right?

Here we have a well known female podcaster describing her one and only sexual partner in the last year. Spoiler: woof woof.

Whether this is evidence of a trend or just series of fucked up women, we have several questions.

• Logistically, how does this work? You lay down and the dog- you know what, nevermind.

• Does breed make a difference? Are you more attracted to golden retreivers than huskies, for example?

• Do the dogs resemble the human men you date in real life? For example, if you’re attracted to thicker guys, do you look for bulldogs?

• Knowing it will completely destroy your professional social prospects, why are you admitting this? Why the fuck are you filming it?

How do men feel about women fucking dogs?

All we know for certain: some people got that dog in them and some don’t.

Leave a comment

Current Horrendous Tik Tok Trend: Simulated Blowjobs

In the cinematic masterpiece below, we see Tik Tok user @marysupermarket supposedly giving an off screen man aggressive fellatio. Close viewing reveals that the hand pushing her head down is, in fact, her own.

@marysupermarketoh shit we should hurry😅 #bus #work #fast

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Ten minutes of research reveals that many women are simulating blowjobs while holding their own hair in a variety of situations, from blowing her professor to fellating one of their student’s dads.

Why they can’t male friend willing to film this with them is a question between them and the algorithm.

Never change, women of Tik Tok.

Leave a comment

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: thatemily82

@thatemily82#tiktoktrending #fakebody #fyp #viralvideo #foryou #fypシ #uktok #viralll

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Look At This Hero

Reddit Tik Tok Thots: Colleen_333

@colleen.333 @colleen.333 ♬ fukumean - Gunna

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Share Tough Scene

In this issue, we’ve got:

-Eight ways to respond to a tragedy

-Real king shit

-The aforementioned Tik Tok Thots

Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment, and share.

Tik Tok Thots: Colleen_333

@colleen.333#fakebodyy⚠️ #19

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Eight Ways To React To A Tragedy

Whether it’s a school shooting, a Russian coup, or a train carrying chemicals exploding in small town Ohio, your reaction on the internet after a horrific event is extremely important.

This is your opportunity to show sympathy, educate others, and most importantly, make this about you.

What should you post? Let’s take a look at the options using the recent submarine deaths as an example.

1. Thoughts and Prayers

The standard virtue signal reaction to a horrific event. No tangible action, but we’ll think about you momentarily before we hit the bar.

2. The Backlash

How can I make this tragedy fit my political agenda? Here we have Columbia University professor adjunct lecturer Anthony Zenkus downplaying the deaths of those who died because they were wealthy. Take that, capitalism.

3. The Backlash To The Backlash

How can I make this tragedy fit my equal but opposite political agenda?

4. Investigative Journalism

Did you know that the son of one of the submarine passengers attended a Blink 182 concert while his dad slowly died? Did you know he made thirsty comments on an OnlyFans girls page?

Surely, this changes the degree of sympathy you are allowed to show.

Subscribe now

5. Zero Sum Sympathy

U CANNOT BE UPSET ABOUT THIS THING UNLESS U WERE ALSO UPSET ABOUT THIS OTHER THING

6. Everything Is A Psyop

Horrific tragedies bring out all the galaxy brain takes.

7. How Can I Make This About Me?

8. Who fucking cares?

Fuck yeah, pussy.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: Jackie_852

@jackie_852#foryou #usa🇺🇸 #foryoupage

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

It’s Not Too Late To Delete This

You Do You, King

Tik Tok Thots: ccabots

@ccabotsI jus wanna dance

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Share

In this issue, we’ve got

-How to not throw a shitty party

-Christie Smythe gives advice

-The aforementioned Tik Tok Thots

Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and comment.

Subscribe now

Happy Father’s Day

Tik Tok Thots: @immeganw

@immeganwNecesito una silla nueva🤭

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

You’re Celebrating The Wrong Way

It’s party time! Nothing like getting the people you care about together to celebrate the big moments in life. 

Except your friends fucking hate you for inviting them to a poorly planned event and wasting their time.

What went wrong?

Here are some things to avoid to make sure your big event goes smoothly.

Birthday Parties: Group Dinners of 12 or More

Nothing better than sitting at a long table where you can only interact with the people in your immediate vicinity, getting five minutes of facetime with the birthday girl, then slapped with a huge bill at the end (birthday girl doesn’t pay, amirite?). 

Not to mention the degree of difficulty in planning this- who’s running late? Who cancelled last minute? Oh, the restaurant doesn’t seat incomplete parties? C’mon Eric, what the fuck.

Just meet at the bar, let people come and go as they please, and buy you drinks. 

Gender Reveal Parties: Having One

Don’t fucking do this. 

Please believe us when we say that nobody in your friend group- guy or girl, old or young, friend or family- wants to attend a gender reveal party. 

Just put out a Facebook announcement and spare everyone.

Kids Birthday Parties: No Alcohol

Glad we both knocked our wives up within the same calendar year and our kids were randomly assigned to the same class. 

Now I’m in your backyard with a 33-year old wannabe actress dressed up like Elsa from Frozen, checking fantasy football and counting the minutes until it’s polite to leave. 

At least put some booze out, let’s make this interesting.

Joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties: Just No

There’s no reason for this to even be a thing.

If she doesn’t “trust” you to have a night/weekend out with the guys, that’s a horrific sign of things to come.

If she doesn’t want to have a fun night/weekend out with the girls, that’s a very strange red flag.

Your friends will have plenty of time to mix at the rehearsal dinner and wedding.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: @meggyeggo

@meggyeggo @meggyeggo ♬ Bundles (feat. Taylor Girlz) - Kayla Nicole

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Christie Smythe Gives Advice

As an award-winning business and finance reporter, Christie Smythe came to fame after developing a relationship with “Pharma Bro” Martin Shrkeli as he served a prison sentence for fraud while writing about his story.

Ms. Smythe has written for Bloomberg News, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, and many other distinguished publications.

She’s here with the biggest journalistic honor of her career: giving advice to Tough Scene readers.

“A man is asking me for feet pics! Is it wrong to take his money and how much should I ask for?” -Amelia, Chicago, IL

CS: I know of no law against taking money for feet pics. Go for it. Nothing wrong with that if a guy is offering. Ask him how much he's willing to pay, and trust your instincts on whether that seems like enough. But even if it does, ask for more. Can't hurt.

“Who should pay on a first date and why should it always be the woman?” -Rob, Austin, TX

CS: Whoever asked for the date should pay on the first date.

“My side chick is insisting on seeing my place, obviously that can’t happen. What should I do?” -Greg, New York City, NY

CS: I believe in ethical non-monogamy. Be straight with your side chick about her being a side chick, and not wanting to get too involved. Some women are actually cool with that! It just helps to communicate the reasons for things.

You can read Christie’s first collaboration with Tough Scene here.

Have more questions for Christie? Leave them in the comments.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: @juicy

@juicy @juicy ♬ original sound - lily 🤍

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Look At This Hero

Tik Tok Thots: @ccabots

@ccabotsThis song>

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

In this issue, we’ve got:

-Dinner sluts

-Apple Vision Pro VR headset

-The aforementioned Tik Tok Thots

Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and comment.

Subscribe now

Incredibly Tough Scene: bossbratbimbo

“Where are the men who actually put in effort?”

Twitter user bossbratbimbo posted this gem of a tweet where she makes fun of a man she agreed to go on a date with.

This poor guy made a reservation at a Michelin starred restaurant for a first date. Bossbratbimbo slept through the date, costing him $70 for losing the reservation.

No apologies, no reflection, no empathy. She doubled down in the next few tweets.

“It’s not my fault I fell asleep”.

Dude went out of his way to land a reservation at an expensive restaurant for this chick for a first date, she can’t be bothered to show up, and he’s out $70.

This is clearly the exception and not the rule, but next time a woman complains about men planning coffee dates, walk in the park dates, or other “low effort” dates, remember that women like this exist.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: thatemily82

@thatemily82🤭 #corporatetiktok #fakebody #trending #fypシ #officegirl #viralvideo

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Tik Tok Thots: laurasommaruga18

@laurasommaruga18cappuccino mandarino

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Tik Tok Thots: thattallaussie

@thattallaussietiktok im 24 💕 rate my bikini 1-10? #countrygirl #fyp #thick

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Are Women OK?

You ask “Where the hoes at?” We ask, how the hoes doing?”

Apple Releases Vision Pro

At their latest press conference, Apple announced the release of the Vision Pro headset, their first foray into VR/AR. Coming in at $3,499, the headset integrate seamlessly into the Apple ecosystem, letting you view your grocery list in Notes in full immersive 3D.

Some other potential uses of the headset:

• porn

• porn

• Disney+

• Facetime

• porn

Apple is notorious for keeping their app store “clean”, but it’ll take about 15 minutes for some high school students to jailbreak this thing for it’s true purpose.

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

Ma’am

Share

The Sopranos was great. A multidimensional portrayal of a sociopathic murderer in Tony Soprano masterfully acted by James Gandolfini, The Sopranos was truly a groundbreaking take on the mafia genre.

After another rewatch, we argue that while The Sopranos is great, it doesn’t belong in the same tier as shows like Breaking Bad, The Wire, Mad Men, or even Succession.

An entertaining show? Yes. On the Mount Rushmore of TV dramas? Absolutely not.

Subscribe now

Fuck You, Fans

Surely you’ve heard about the controversial series finale with the screen fading to black.

After investing 86 hours into the show, viewers were left with an unsatisfying and ambiguous ending.

While it was accepted (and confirmed by the showrunners years later) that Tony get killed in front of his family at the diner, this particular piece of fan disrespect is not what this is about.

This is what we’re talking about.

In “Pine Barrens” (season 3, episode 11), Paulie and Chris are sent to collect money from Valery, a Russian mob associate with close ties to the boss. Things go awry, and they end up fighting the Russian and driving him to the woods to dig his own grave.

He fights them off and escapes, potentially warning Slava, the Russian mob boss, of the botched hit, starting a war between the two crime families.

Or does he? Who fucking knows, because the show never told us.

Valery is last seen running off into the woods bleeding after being shot, and this incredible cliffhanger right before the season finale never got mentioned again.

Teasing their viewers like this with no payoff, then ending the show ambiguously is an incredible pair of fuck you’s to the fans.

Insufferable Characters

Put simply, A.J. Soprano is one of the worst characters in a prestige TV show.

Poor writing, poor character development, poor acting. A total blown opportunity.

We get it, you want to show how the crushing weight of being the confused son of an alpha male destroys you. Early season A.J. was annoying, mid season was dumb, late season was pathetic.

Robert Iler’s acting was bottom tier throughout the show and made each of his scenes and storylines painful.

Subscribe now

Wasted Screen Time

A gay mobster portrayed onscreen was new narrative territory in the early 2000’s (and possibly based on real life).

But making the viewers sit through hours of the gay Italian version How Stella Got Her Groove Back with Tony in the middle of a heated war with the New York family was not an efficient use of screen time. This dragged on for way too long before reaching its inevitable conclusion.

In the same season, with Tony in a coma after getting shot by Junior, the show did an entire episode of Tony dreaming about himself as a traveling salesman named Kevin Finnerty. Dream sequences are nothing new to the Sopranos, but an entire episode that doesn’t advance the plot? Especially after a climactic near death scene the previous episode? Stop wasting our time.

In Conclusion

The Sopranos was a great, groundbreaking show. However, the showrunners made several deliberate choices that bordered on straight up disrespect of the fan base.

With so many people ranking The Sopranos as one of the best of all time, we have no choice but to deem it overrated.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: @radical4what

@radical4whatThinking about that one user who said my arch my arch game could be better… if you wanted to see it again you just had to ask<3

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Tik Tok Thots: @anita_oficiall

@anita_oficiallBuenaas🥰

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Tik Tok Thots: @thatemily82

@thatemily82#officegirl #viralvideo #viral #trending #fypシ #usa #tiktok

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

How Are The Hoes Doing?

You ask “Where the hoes at?” We ask, “Are the hoes OK?”

Subscribe now

Ayo, Hol Up

Share Tough Scene

@dudalov u dupla 🫶 #fyp

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Extremely Tough Scene: Meme Theft

Twitter user @usingcigarettes angrily posted about meme account @albert12798 stealing his tweet about dumping popcorn on the theater floor.

Keen detective work by Twitter user @jewbyboobie showed that @usingcigarettes had stolen the meme himself some two minutes after seeing @devy_nation post it.

Whining about someone stealing the meme you stole? Extremely tough scene.

Tik Tok Thots: @savaschulz

@savaschulzSus

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Horny DM Hall Of Fame

In April, we spoke about tips for better horny DMs. Tired of their dick pics getting left on read, our readers took our advice, reflected on their approach, and shot their shots. Let’s look at some of the results.

The tip: pay attention to her profile

The tip: state your intentions clearly

The tip: provide value

Tik Tok Thots: @kim.bruleex

@kim.bruleexThis song makes everyone cuter

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Are Women OK?

You ask “Where the hoes at?” We ask, “How are the hoes doing?”

Tik Tok Thots: @elliesapplepies

@elliesapplepies#fypシ #trending #viral #arch #fyp #new #explorepage

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Look At This Hero

@mercedesnsss @mercedesnsss ♬ sonido original - Gael Miranda

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Extremely Tough Scene

Dividend Kid Self Owns

Twitter finance “expert” Dividend Kid gives daily investment advice to his 15,000 followers, mostly steering them toward index funds.

However, his deep knowledge of personal finance didn’t stop him from quitting his job before his 401k vested, losing out on $3,000.

Absolutely brutal ratio.

It got worse as he doubled and tripled down on his ignorance of his own employment contract. The typo in a clap back about comprehension skills is the cherry on top.

The self own was reminiscent of Twitter stock trader @thatstocksgirl not understanding how call options work and losing half her investment instantly.

The lesson here: be careful who you take investment advice from. Big oofs all around.

Tik Tok Thots: @famous4mypersonality

@famous4mypersonalityTrue

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Subscribe now

Hot Take Of The Week

Halloween should be the last Saturday in October

Being tied to October 31st means Halloween can fall on any day of the week.

Was there anything more disappointing than Monday or Tuesday Halloween at school as a kid?

Is there anything more awkward than going to the bar on October 28th in your costume as an adult?

We can easily fix this stupidity by officially making Halloween the last Saturday in October every year.

Every downtown area would be packed on Halloween Saturday with people in costume looking for a good time. Huge boosts to the local economy.

Parents won’t have to rush home from work to go trick or treating with their kids. They get the whole day, then can party at night.

What’s the counterargument? Something something Pagan tradition? Shut up.

The best part is, since this is a completely secular holiday not tied to anything religious or governmental, all it would take to do this is… people just deciding to celebrate Halloween on the last Saturday of October.

You can disagree if you’d like, but you’d be wrong.

Should Halloween be the last Saturday of October, or are you an idiot? Let us know in the comments.

Leave a comment

Tik Tok Thots: @colleen_333

@colleen.333Love this dress

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Pussy From A Girl

Tik Tok Thots: @girlzhavemorefun

@girlzhavemorefunMy dog was being crazy #viral #fyp #car #trending

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Ayo, Hold Up

Look At This Hero

Share Tough Scene

This week, we’ve got:

-Dating tips for assholes

-Hottest cartoon redheads

-Tik Tok Thots

Let’s get to it. Don’t forget to subscribe and share with your loser friends.

Dating Tip For Assholes

Track Your Data

If you’re dating multiple women, it can be challenging keeping track of everything. You don’t want to repeat stories or get caught in a lie, and you definitely don’t want to start taking different girls to the same restaurant. Tracking data helps avoid these issues and ensures your spending is proportional to what you’re getting in return.

You’re probably lucky to get even one response to your flaccid dick pic, but this is a good practice in case more than one woman shows poor judgement at once.

Hot Take Of The Week

If you’re spending more than $400 at the strip club, just get an escort.

A trip to the titty bar is costing you minimum $100 just for cover charge and drinks, and that’s before even factoring in dances, massages, and shenanigans.

If you’re dropping serious cash just to get teased, you’re better off getting a hotel room/Airbnb and hiring an escort from Eros.

For the same price, you’ll get actual satisfaction instead of a four minute dick tease from a local single mom hairstylist/make up artist with a dead look in her eyes.

Tik Tok Thots

OnlyFans with @jackie_852

Latex booty with @_stephjc

Gamer girl @soyvictoriamatosa

Bounce bounce bounce with @rose.hartt

Hottest Cartoon Redheads

5. Dexter’s Mom (Dexter’s Laboratory)

She’s a notorious germaphobe, but will cook you omelet du fromage. Dexter and Dee Dee’s mother never got an actual name on the show, but any woman with a big enough ass to balance silverware is a 10 in our book.

4. Ms. Frizzle (Magic School Bus)

Intelligence is sexy. Professor Valerie Felicity Frizzle, Ph.D. will take you on a ride through the human circulatory system and teach you all kinds of cool shit. Her catch phrase is “It's time to take chances, make mistakes and get messy!” so you know she’s a freak.

3. Lois Griffin (Family Guy)

An absolutely smokeshow. In one episode, she says "Women are such teases. that's why I went back to men.", and in another they hint about a years long affair with KISS’ Gene Simmons. Top tier.

2. Elastigirl (The Incredibles)

The animators had no reason to give Helen Parr that absolute dump truck other than being complete horny degenerates. That cute midwestern accent is a nice touch too.

1. Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)

Singlehandedly put a bunch of elementary school boys through puberty in the early 90’s. When asked why Jessica Rabbit, a baritone cabaret singer, is married to dopey Roger Rabbit, she says “He makes me laugh”, giving hope to losers like you.

Serving Cunt

The phrase “serving cunt” has been making its way around the Twitterverse.

This absolutely horrendous way of saying “looking hot” exploded in popularity for some reason. Of all the ways to describe a woman looks attractive, “serving cunt” is probably the worst.

Well, maybe it’s not all bad.

Pussy From A Girl

Could you even imagine?

Twitter user @nocapcapital, aka “Chet” tweeted a picture of his “date”, a cute blonde with her face covered to protect her honor.

The picture turned out to be taken from Instagram model Janae Roberts’ page from a post in January that received over 17,000 likes.

Not a good look, bro.

Shout out to detective Mark Moran for the initial whistleblowing.

Further investigation by Mrs. Papaw reveals another questionable post from Chet, revealing a pattern of falsified “dates”.

Chet responded to the allegations by deleting his entire account.

He returned the next day with this self-deprecating meme, claiming that all the pictures of his dates were real except for the ones that weren’t.

How could this have been avoided?

• Go on actual dates with actual women and post their actual pictures

• Better yet, go on actual dates with actual women and don’t post any pictures

• If you can’t date actual women, don’t steal photos from well known influencers

The lesson here: people will forgive you for horrendous takes and awful content, but don’t be phony.

Tik Tok Thots

Princess Peach with @cyberkitty.xo

Following instructions with @vvptoria

Mommy with @watermelonskatie

Duck face wth @laurasommaruga18

GOAT Side Chick

Camilla Parker Bowles’ ascent from Prince Charles’ mistress to Queen of England is remarkable.

Some thirty years after Diana’s passing, with Charles and Camilla still together and Queen Elizabeth recently deceased, Mrs. Bowles has become the envy of mistresses everywhere by ascending to the throne as Queen of England. Way to play the long con.

Just so we’re clear, Prince Charles now (King Charles) cheated on Princess Diana, on the left, with Camilla, on the right. You read that correctly.

Queen Elizabeth hated Camilla so much she wanted her title to be “Queen Consort”, an embarrassing moniker that basically means “woman who fucks the King”.

True story: In 1989, Prince Charles told Camilla he wanted to be her tampon so he could live inside her vagina, and a recording was leaked to the media.

The lesson for all the side chicks here: keep banging married guys, because you could become royalty.

Horny DM Hall Of Fame

Shoot Your Shot Bro

Are White Women OK?

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

Let’s take a look at some of the most overrated and underrated red flags.

Keep in mind, these only matter if you’re looking to get serious. If after six months you still have her in your phone as “Keri blonde from Hinge” and have never spoken before 9pm, who fucking cares?

Underrated Red Flag 🚩: No Female Friends

“Girls are just so much drama”

“I’m not like other girls”

There’s a reason why other girls don’t want to be around her. Yes, I’m sure the relationship between her and the four guys she calls her besties has been platonic the entire time and there’s no backstory. Bonus points if one of them threatens you with “If you break Maggie’s heart I’ll fucking kill you.” OK, bro. Just run.

Overrated Red Flag 🚩: She’s Going To Prison For 12 Years

Just because she defrauded investors of $10 billion doesn’t mean she isn’t the one- she had good intentions with Theranos’ blood testing technology, and intentions are what really matter. If she’s locked up, you’ll have plenty of time to play NBA2K with the boys. Think about how hot she’ll get working out on the yard, and don’t forget the conjugal visits.

Underrated Red Flag 🚩: Massive Student Loan Debt

If things get serious, her debt becomes your debt, and there are no outs with student loans. Context is everything- did her $200,000 loan pay for a Wharton MBA, or was it for a B.S. in English from a fourth tier private school? If she’s got a $900 per month loan payment on a $50,000 salary, she won’t be able to buy you as many Funko Pops.

Overrated Red Flag 🚩: She’s Your Stepsister

You watch too much porn. Moving right along.

Underrated Red Flag 🚩: Has Lost Her Airpods Multiple Times

Does she repeatedly drop her phone and crack her screen? Does she forget her keys/wallet/cell phone at home? Wait until she forgets her birth control and Insulin while waiting for a locksmith at 4am.

Overrated Red Flag 🚩: High Body Count

You made the mistake of asking and she told you. Experience counts for something, right? You have a bunch of eskimo brothers out there to commiserate with about sleeping with your girl. Don’t forget, you have a history too (of jerking off multiple times per night).

Underrated Red Flag 🚩: Chronic Lateness

It may have been quirky on the first few dates, but this will absolutely become a thing you argue about. Every dinner plan, concert/movie, or flight will become a last-minute stressful event. When you start lying about what time things start so you actually have a 20% chance of arriving on time, it’s all over.

Overrated Red Flag 🚩: “She Doesn’t Like Wrestling/Anime/Dungeons and Dragons/The Rangers”

If you want someone to spend all Saturday playing in Magic: The Gathering tournaments and watching Formula 1, you should probably be dating a dude.

Any other overrated/underrated red flags we left off?

Leave a comment

The Best Of Tik Tok

I have a Master's Degree with @zoeskogen

You know what I need right now with @pariz_zianna9

Have a nice day with @templvrj7jp

Women Can Write Too

Remember our article on the the four types of female sports fans? 🏀

Let’s hear about sports from some women in the know. They’re diehards, not pick me’s. 🏈

The GIST is a free newsletter that provides a refreshing female perspective on the most important headlines in sports. They’re smart, funny, and not afraid to talk about anything. ⚾

Sign up today! 🏒

Look At This Hero

Women bringing in thousands of dollars every month through their OnlyFans, by mailing out used panties, or selling farts in a jar.

You need a side hustle that won’t destroy your professional prospects.

Perhaps selling pictures of your feet is up your alley. Bring in extra cash, get a little kinky, and protect your internet footprint.

How much can you make and what should you know beforehand?

Let’s Meet Maggie

Maggie is a cute Midwestern girl living in New York City.

Maggie is well-educated with a high-powered job in the pharmaceutical industry.

Maggie also sells pictures of her feet to horny dudes on the internet.

What’s her secret?

Introduce yourself for us.
My name is Maggie. I live in Manhattan and tweet a lot.

How did you get started selling feet pics?
I will randomly get a DM about selling content which I rarely answer, but sometimes people catch me in a weak/bored moment. I don't sell any other content besides feet pics because they are easy and harmless and take virtually zero effort.  Eventually I thought this is easy enough, and the money is better off in my pocket so why not?

What’s the going rate for feet pics?
This is something I have a really hard time with and there’s absolutely zero consistency. I live in New York so the price has to cover at least one cocktail so nothing less than $20-25 a pic. Sometimes I really shoot for the stars and will be like it’s $200… that rarely works though. Basically, it depends on how I’m feeling that day.

What’s the most you’ve made from a single customer?
There was one guy who would send me money every day just for DMing which is the preferred way because I can talk to a wall so it’s easy for me. And these are not sexual DMs. He sent me a DM out of nowhere and I was like “sorry it costs money to DM” and he believed me. I think he ended up sending a couple hundred dollars over the course of a few days. It felt like a conversation I’d have with a grandma like “How is your day? What did you have for dinner?” I’m way too lazy to sext a stranger when I have actual men I know in my life I can do it with.

How do your clients find you? You don’t advertise your services on your account.
I have no idea, it makes me question the vibes I am giving off on Twitter.  I wanted to get an OnlyFans and post nothing except charge people to chat with me on there but I don’t think there’s a way to do that. Elon needs to find a way to charge people to DM or something.

Have you ever dated a guy who’s into feet? Would you be into it if he was?
I think so, because he always wanted to suck my toes and was obsessed with what my feet looked like. If it means he’s going to pay for my pedicures and foot massages, then yeah why would I care?

If you’re not into feet, what weird shit are you into?
I’m into a guy who is handsome and has a good job and wants to get married and have kids and move to CT into a modern farm house with a golden retriever. That’s weird these days. (If you wanna know the real answer slide into my DMs)

What advice do you have for girls looking to make money selling feet pics?
As dumb as it may seem, just do it.  If you wear heels or sandals, people are seeing that shit for free.  Secure the bag and stop being cliche about it. Women hold so much power they don’t even realize- step into it. Passive income baby!

Want to talk to Maggie? Send her some love in the DMs.

The Best Of Tik Tok

These are the years I'm supposed to be naked with @allegra_lynn

Outfit check with @innitah

Loyal as fuck with @lexicgoldberg

Women Can Write Too

Remember our article on the the four types of female sports fans? 🏀

Let’s hear about sports from some women in the know. They’re diehards, not pick me’s. 🏈

The GIST is a free newsletter that provides a refreshing female perspective on the most important headlines in sports. They’re smart, funny, and not afraid to talk about anything. ⚾

Sign up today! 🏒

Ma’am

Look At This Hero

A new Fast and Furious movie was just announced for May 2023.

Baseball is back and the NHL and NBA playoffs are in full swing.

Beach season is almost here.

It’s pretty safe to say that life is good.

Only Fans University with @meggyeggo

Five Tips For Better Horny DMs

Admit it: you’re sending horny DMs to e-girls.

Admit it: you’re not getting any responses.

The problem can’t be you, right?

Let’s take a look at five proven best practices for sending horny DMs guaranteed to result in true love, or at least a titty pic.

The Opener

“Hey”

Classic. Polite. Succinct. Send her a short greeting and nothing else; the mystery behind your words will pique her interest. You’ve opened the door and provided the intriguing opportunity she’s been waiting for.

Another option: “Hello dear”

State Your Intentions

Be direct and let her know you’re interested in pursuing a sexual relationship. Most men send DMs to e-girls looking for friendship, and you don’t want her to mistake what you’re looking for. Women appreciate a man who is up front and direct.

Provide a Visual

Send a dick pic in the first few messages.

Wouldn’t you love getting tits in your DMs?

Now put yourself in her shoes- this is called empathy.

A woman’s biggest sexual organ is her brain- give her a stimulating picture of yourself right off the bat, and you’re scientifically more likely to get her attention.

The Follow Up

Women are all about the chase, and anybody who tells you not to double, triple, or quadruple text is a quitter. If she’s not responding, it’s because you haven’t said the right thing- yet. Rewrite, rephrase, reimagine. 

Be Persistent

She blocked you on Twitter? Find her Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook.

Worst case scenario, find her Venmo and send her $0.01 at a time with your messages in the comments.

Have any other tips for better DMs? Write us a comment below.

Leave a comment

The Best of Tik Tok

All black with @laura_sommaruga

Good times with @emmz26

Women Can Write Too

Remember our article on the the four types of female sports fans? 🏀

Let’s hear about sports from some women in the know. They’re diehards, not pick me’s. 🏈

The GIST is a free newsletter that provides a refreshing female perspective on the most important headlines in sports. They’re smart, funny, and not afraid to talk about anything. ⚾

Sign up today! 🏒

Look At This Hero

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

Pussy From A Girl

Nowadays, it’s perfectly normal for a guy and a girl to be roommates. Perhaps you found each other online, or maybe your friends hooked the two of you up.

Regardless of the circumstances, the thought of fucking your roommate has crossed your mind at least once.

You’ve heard the phrase “Don’t shit where you eat”, but when you’re both in the kitchen at 3am in your pajamas after your nights out, you’re not thinking rationally.

Let’s help you find a definitive answer using the SYFYR formula.

The Variables

Hotness = h, Crazy Level = c 

We’re all familiar with the hot/crazy matrix. On a scale of 1-10, how hot and how crazy is your roommate? If c is greater than 8, be careful.

Months left on your lease = m

Are you three months into a two year lease, or are you both moving out next week? Gotta factor that in.

Downside/Fallout = d

On a scale of 1-5, how fucked will you be if things go sideways and someone has to move out? Do you have mutual friends? Is she your boss’s daughter? Is it only her name on the lease? Factor this in, with 1 being a clean break and 5 being you’ll have to change identities.

The Formula

Now that you’ve got your variables defined, plug it into the SYFYR formula.

If you’re greater than one, go ahead and fuck your roommate.

If you’re close to one, adjust some of the variables to justify the horrendous decision you’ve already made.

If you’re way less than one, just stay roommates.

An Example

Allison moved into Nick’s apartment after his previous roommate was arrested in an NFT scam. She’s pretty cute (h = 8) and relatively sane (c = 5). There’s seven months left on their lease (m = 7) and while they’ve met each other’s friends, none would be considered mutual. If the shit hit the fan, it would be a little awkward, but hopefully they’d be mature about it (d = 2).

If the opportunity arose, Nick should fuck Allison.

Another Example

Tom and Mackenzie met through mutual friends and have five months left on their lease (m = 5). Tom is in finance, and Mackenzie is a bartender/DJ (h = 10, c = 8) where Tom's team goes for happy hour. Mackenzie is behind on rent and owes Tom, whose name is on the lease, a significant amount of money. (d = 4).

Stay away Tom. Don’t think with your dick.

Some Exceptions

-If you’re genuinely in love (LOL, loser) with your roommate, obviously that factors in here. Play around with the variables to justify the decision you’ve already made.

-If she’s a 10 on the crazy scale, go jerk off and spare yourself potentially waking up with a knife at your throat regardless of the other variables.

-If your roommate is your wife or girlfriend, you should most definitely fuck her.

How does your current roommate situation fit with SYFYR? Let us know in the comments.

Leave a comment

The Best Of Tik Tok

Hoes mad with @cassidyannpayne

Sex Panther with @badgirl_wanna

You Dropped This, King👑

Women Can Write Too

Remember our article on the the four types of female sports fans? 🏀

Let’s hear about sports from some women in the know. They’re diehards, not pick me’s. 🏈

The GIST is a free newsletter that provides a refreshing female perspective on the most important headlines in sports. They’re smart, funny, and not afraid to talk about anything. ⚾

Sign up today! 🏒

Down Bad Patrol🚨

The NBA and NHL playoffs are here.

Bitcoin is over $30,000 and Ethereum is over $2,000.

It’s officially sundress season.

It’s pretty safe to say that life is good.

Make your eardrums bleed with @allegra_lynn

The Four Types Of Female Sports Fans

Women are just as knowledgeable and passionate about their team as you are. No longer can you lie to your girlfriend that you’ll be ready in two minutes because there’s two minutes left in the game- they know the deal.

Let’s analyze the diverse backgrounds of our beloved sports girls.

Horny Sports Girl

She’s a huge Travis Kelce fan. Very passionate and enthusiastic, in fact. Will send tweets like “Hi @macjones_10 🫦” with zero irony.

Pro: Will sit and pay attention through an entire Niners game, then fuck your brains out while thinking about Jimmy Garoppolo. 

Con: Would cheat on you in 0.0247 seconds if Aaron Judge actually responded to her unhinged DMs. 

Diehard Sports Girl

Did you know that if the Avalanche had attacked with a 2-1-2 forecheck instead of a neutral zone trap, Connor McDavid would have never had the space to take that filthy clapper from the blue line? Of course not, you fucking idiot. But she did.

Pro: Will watch a lot of sports with you and will be really into it. 

Con: Likely knows much more than you and will expose you for the complete moron you are.

“Pick Me” Sports Girl

Pretends to know more about the game than she actually does. Has zero female friends. Would be better off admitting she’s a casual rather than acting like a huge fan. Can be spotted wearing a pink version of her team’s jersey. 

Pro: Likely to be very attractive and down to watch/attend games. 

Con: While overcompensating for lack of sports knowledge, will likely get annoyingly drunk and shout generic nonsense (Get him! Catch it!) loudly at the TV.

“Supportive Girlfriend” Sports Girl

Wants to have a good time, and a good old sportsball event is just the reason. Might be on her phone the whole time, but supports your fandom (for the most part). 

Pro: Will make a tray of wings, mozzarella sticks, and jalapeno poppers for the game. 

Con: “Are you sure you need to watch the playoff game? It’s our anniversary.”

Are there any female sports fans we left out? Let us know in the comments.

Leave a comment

The Best of Tik Tok

Fill her up with @lorenkveax

Come to Dubai with @celina.sharma

Look At This Hero

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

Nice Watch, Bro

The Shinola Runwell Sport 48mm is a beautiful piece of American craftsmanship made right here in Detroit. Quartz movement makes sure you’re on time to meet your probation officer. Available here for $895.

Would?

Ma’am

Same lifestyle newsletter for degenerates.

Same Tik Tok Thots.

Don’t believe us? Here’s one.

Chugging hot sauce for some fucking reason with @thattallaussie

It’s not fucking rocket science.

Don’t forget to subscribe and move Tik Tok Thots to your primary inbox.

How High Should You Get For The Super Mario Bros. Movie?

The new Super Mario Bros. movie is objectively good. It’s fast moving, has a good 80’s soundtrack, and is genuinely entertaining. Fuck the critics, look at that audience score.

You’re going to see it. You just want to know how high you should get.

Who are you seeing it with?

Yourself

Not going to question why you’re seeing this on your own. A 35 year old single man seeing a children’s cartoon solo must be very empowering. Assert your independence, bro. You’re a wild stallion. Let’s make it interesting.

Recommendation: Two tabs of acid

Your Kids

Oh boy, you did it now. You’re sitting in a packed theater on a Saturday at 1pm where the median age is six. You’ll barely be able to watch the movie above the sound of children screaming and constant trips to the bathroom. This will not be pleasant. You will not enjoy this. 

Recommendation: 3mg Xanax

Your Wife/Girlfriend

“How’s that project at work going honey?” 

“I think the risotto was a little overcooked.” 

“Do you want to have lunch with my mom on Saturday?” 

Rather than squeeze the last bits of conversation out of your stagnant relationship, enjoy a fun movie together. 

Recommendation: Split a 10mg THC edible 

Your Side Chick

“Why are we going to this small independent theater four towns over?”

“Is your kitchen still being repaired? I can’t wait to see your place one day!”

“Why haven’t you introduced me to any of your friends?”

Less talking babe.

Recommendation: A whole bunch of coke FUCK YES LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO

Your Wife’s Boyfriend

When the three of you go together, she’ll be occupied and you won’t have to worry if she’s enjoying herself. They may even let you sit next to them this time! You’re free to push your boundaries knowing you’ve got two people to get you home safe. Time to get weird.

Recommendation: A bump of Ketamine every 5 minutes

What did you think of The Super Mario Bros. movie? How high did you get?

Leave a comment

The Best of Tik Tok

Pouty face with @thatemily82

Bounce Bounce Bounce with @rosehart

Tips For Cheaters

Cheating is wrong* and we never** recommend cheating***. But you got that dawg in you, and who are we to stop you? If you’re going to cheat, you might as well do it right.

Mutually Assured Destruction is a Cold-War era phrase that refers to the United States and USSR’s equal abilities to blow each other’s shit up with nuclear weapons at any time. They shared an equal downside to war, and this kept the other at bay.

I didn’t come here for a history lesson bro, I’m just trying to get laid.

Cheat with married women. Make sure you’re on equal footing and you’re all set. If you’re married and she isn’t, she’s got something over you and can fuck your life up if she decided to get cute.

Married women have as much to lose as you. Hey, you’ll actually have something in common.

Look At This Hero

10/10 Roast, No Notes

Ayo, Hold Up

It’s not fucking rocket science.

In this issue, we settle an important debate:

Women calling their fat asses “dump trucks”- is this OK?

Don’t forget to subscribe and move Tik Tok Thots to your primary inbox.

Dump Truck Booty

A concerning trend has emerged among TikTokers.

A woman with a large ass is referred to as having a “dump truck” or a “dumpy”.

As you may know, “taking a dump” is slang for pooping. As you also may know, poop comes from your ass.

Ahh yes, nothing we want more when looking at a fat ass than to think about her taking a shit.

Imagine if a big dick was referred to as a “Pisscannon”?

You can only imagine what having a big dick is like, but surely you’d get even less blowjobs than you already do.

Where did this trend begin?

The year is 1999. 

Millions of GAP wearing, frosted-tipped teenagers across the country paused their 5-CD changers after hearing Sisqo sing the bridge to his #1 hit “Thong Song”:

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck/Thighs like what, what, what

Baby, move your butt, butt, butt/Uh, I think I'll sing it again (c'mon)

They scratched their goatees and adjusted their bucket hats. What did this silver haired crooner mean by this?

Was he referring to her taking a giant shit? Did he find this attractive?

Will he sing it again? Indeed, he did.

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck/thighs like what, what, what

All night long/Let me see that thong (c'mon)

Nearly 25 years later, this confusing scatological reference has become the primary way to refer to a woman’s ass.

How do we resolve this?

The case of Dump Truck Booty vs. Taking A Dump will now be resolved.

Our verdict: Dump truck booty wins out. We haven’t had a good new word for ass in a long time- “Fatty” is too generic, “Cake” never caught on, and people haven’t said “Badonkadonk” since Chapelle’s Show was on the air. “Dump Truck” is a welcome addition.

All hail the dump trucks.

The Aforementioned Thots

Hey Mom featuring princesss_jackie

Got milk? featuring iam.asiadoll

Stop looking at me with those eyes featuring juliaticaofficial

Who’s your favorite Tik Tok Thot this week? Know anyone else we should feature?

Leave a comment

I Can Quit Anytime I Want

Highland Park 18 Year is aged in sherry seasoned oak casks in Orkney, Scotland. It won the Double Gold Medal at the 2017 San Francisco Spirits competition in addition to a number of other awards. Available here for $180.

Nice Watch, Bro

The Hamilton Khaki Field Mechanical is a reissue of the 1960’s original model and a tribute to Swiss military craftsmanship. Fun fact, this watch was worn by James Marsden in Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Available here for $575.

Ayo, Hold Up

Look At This Hero

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

It’s not fucking rocket science.

In this issue, we’ve got:

-Christie Smythe gives advice

-Ways to make extra money in New York City

-Women desperate for attention on the internet

Don’t forget to subscribe and move Tik Tok Thots to your primary inbox.

The Aforementioned Thots

Why nuclear energy is the future (Bustymodels)

This thing can suck and blow (Nickicarli)

A History of Jazz Music (The Dream Gena)

Christie Smythe Gives Advice

As an award-winning business and finance reporter, Christie Smythe came to fame after developing a relationship with “Pharma Bro” Martin Shrkeli as he served a prison sentence for fraud while writing about his story.

Ms. Smythe has written for Bloomberg News, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, and many other distinguished publications.

However, Ms. Smythe has never been published in Tik Tok Thots.

Until now.

Dear Christie: My wife’s boyfriend says tonight’s session is closed door and I can’t watch. What should I do? -Thomas, Port Jefferson, NY

Maybe you all should go to a sex club together and loosen boundaries?

Dear Christie: My date is significantly less attractive than her pictures. I’m hiding in the bathroom right now. What should I do? -Anthony, Nashville, TN

You could tell her you’re very sorry but suddenly feel ill, possibly a stomach flu. Everyone will leave you alone if you have one.

Dear Christie: What can a guy say in the first DM to get a girls attention? -Raj, Bombay, IN

An unexpected sensitive but not creepy observation. A little bit of a mocking/critical edge to it is ok, but definitely not “negging.”

You can read more about Ms. Smythe’s story in Smirk.

Tips Making Money In New York City

The Big Apple can be expensive as fuck. A meal for two (let’s be honest, for one) at the Times Square Olive Garden with 0% tip can run you close to $100. How can you earn extra income in NYC to help fund your trip?

Let’s take a look.

Be A Helpful “Local”

Offer to take family pictures for tourists in Times Square. Slowly back away to "get the entire M&M's store in the frame" then run away with their iPhone.

Give A Wallet Biopsy

Did you go home with a stranger? Did you try to sneak out of their place before they woke up? Did you remember to go through their wallet first?

Free Coffee Hack

Walk into any Starbucks and steal other people's to go orders. As long as you look stressed, nobody will question you.

What’s The Most Down Bad Thing You’ve Ever Done?

“Subscribed to his engineering Substack.” -@kenny___rose

What You Should Be Watching

Yellowjackets season 2 is now out on Showtime. The show follows the story of a high school girls' soccer team from 1996 who survive a plane crash in the Canadian wilderness. It alternates between two timelines: the team’s struggle to survive in the wilderness and their lives 25 years later as adult survivors.

Nice Watch, Bro

The Citizen Promaster Nighthawk shown here is part of Citizen’s Blue Angels collection, a tribute to the Navy’s top fighter jet squadron. Powered by light with Eco-Drive technology, never needs a battery.  Available here for $360.

At Least You’re Not This Guy

Look At This Hero

It’s not fucking rocket science.

Don’t forget to subscribe and move Tik Tok Thots to your primary inbox.

The Aforementioned Thots

Woodworking with Thebikinicarpenter

Were you staring at my breasts? with Roninowherex

Anti-gravity with Gegenewtt

Make it pop with Thelargestbrasize

An Interview With A Big Titty Woman

We initiated a conversation with an actual woman, something you’re too scared to do. Let’s hear from Ashe Babes.

What can a short/ugly guy to do get your attention?

Being short/ugly is a mindset. Wear high heels and a mask.

What’s the best DM opener you’ve ever gotten?

“Your tits are ruining my life” or “Please circumcise me”.

It’s often said that “men are trash”. What percentage?

I love and appreciate men. Who else would suck my toes? Trash would be the 5% who are actually creepy and would wear my skin.

How can a guy make sure his dick pic will be well received?

Send it flaccid.

How can a guy spot if a girl is a “pick me”?

If she’s on a podcast giving dating advice.

Any advice for men about to shoot their shot?

Please be Jimmy Garoppolo.

Something Fun To Do With Your Girl

Indoor rock climbing is a great way to spend the day. Put your life in your partner’s hands as they stare at your ass.

You’ll get a whole body workout and test your grip strength and forearm muscles. All those years of jerking off three times a day were worth it.

Something Fun To Do With Your Side Chick

Your indoor girl stays indoors. Get delivery sushi and watch Succession. No restaurant or movie dates, you fucking moron. Remember, you haven’t introduced her to your family because you’re an orphan.

Tips For Cheaters

Cheating is wrong* and you should never** ever*** cheat on your girl. But you got that dawg in you, and if you’re going to cheat, here are best practices:

Create A New Persona

Your Instagram has pics with you and your girl, and I dOnT hAvE sOcIaL mEdIa is an obvious lie and red flag. Create a second persona with your middle name or some other name (NOT Danny → Dan, idiot) that has his own social media.

Plausible Deniability

On Tinder, use your real picture and your alt persona. If your profile gets discovered, this makes the old “It wasn’t me” defense much easier.

I Can Quit Anytime I Want

In 1918, Masataka Taketsuru left Japan to study whisky making at the University of Glasgow, then made Nikka Yoichi Single Malt. Great for pairing with Hungry Man dinners while watching Modern Family reruns alone. Available here for $96. 

10/10 Tweet, No Notes

Look At This Hero