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Should You Fuck Your Roommate?
Haha, just kidding. Unless?
Nowadays, it’s perfectly normal for a guy and a girl to be roommates. Perhaps you found each other online, or maybe your friends hooked the two of you up.
Regardless of the circumstances, the thought of fucking your roommate has crossed your mind at least once.
You’ve heard the phrase “Don’t shit where you eat”, but when you’re both in the kitchen at 3am in your pajamas after your nights out, you’re not thinking rationally.
Let’s help you find a definitive answer using the SYFYR formula.
Hotness = h, Crazy Level = c
We’re all familiar with the hot/crazy matrix. On a scale of 1-10, how hot and how crazy is your roommate? If c is greater than 8, be careful.
Months left on your lease = m
Are you three months into a two year lease, or are you both moving out next week? Gotta factor that in.
Downside/Fallout = d
On a scale of 1-5, how fucked will you be if things go sideways and someone has to move out? Do you have mutual friends? Is she your boss’s daughter? Is it only her name on the lease? Factor this in, with 1 being a clean break and 5 being you’ll have to change identities.
Now that you’ve got your variables defined, plug it into the SYFYR formula.
If you’re greater than one, go ahead and fuck your roommate.
If you’re close to one, adjust some of the variables to justify the horrendous decision you’ve already made.
If you’re way less than one, just stay roommates.
Allison moved into Nick’s apartment after his previous roommate was arrested in an NFT scam. She’s pretty cute (h = 8) and relatively sane (c = 5). There’s seven months left on their lease (m = 7) and while they’ve met each other’s friends, none would be considered mutual. If the shit hit the fan, it would be a little awkward, but hopefully they’d be mature about it (d = 2).
If the opportunity arose, Nick should fuck Allison.
Tom and Mackenzie met through mutual friends and have five months left on their lease (m = 5). Tom is in finance, and Mackenzie is a bartender/DJ (h = 10, c = 8) where Tom's team goes for happy hour. Mackenzie is behind on rent and owes Tom, whose name is on the lease, a significant amount of money. (d = 4).
Stay away Tom. Don’t think with your dick.
-If you’re genuinely in love (LOL, loser) with your roommate, obviously that factors in here. Play around with the variables to justify the decision you’ve already made.
-If she’s a 10 on the crazy scale, go jerk off and spare yourself potentially waking up with a knife at your throat regardless of the other variables.
-If your roommate is your wife or girlfriend, you should most definitely fuck her.
How does your current roommate situation fit with SYFYR? Let us know in the comments.
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