Welcome to Tik Tok Thots, a lifestyle newsletter for degenerates.
It’s not fucking rocket science.
In this issue, we settle an important debate:
Women calling their fat asses “dump trucks”- is this OK?
Don’t forget to subscribe and move Tik Tok Thots to your primary inbox.
Dump Truck Booty
A concerning trend has emerged among TikTokers.
A woman with a large ass is referred to as having a “dump truck” or a “dumpy”.
As you may know, “taking a dump” is slang for pooping. As you also may know, poop comes from your ass.
Ahh yes, nothing we want more when looking at a fat ass than to think about her taking a shit.
Imagine if a big dick was referred to as a “Pisscannon”?
You can only imagine what having a big dick is like, but surely you’d get even less blowjobs than you already do.
Where did this trend begin?
The year is 1999.
Millions of GAP wearing, frosted-tipped teenagers across the country paused their 5-CD changers after hearing Sisqo sing the bridge to his #1 hit “Thong Song”:
She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck/Thighs like what, what, what
Baby, move your butt, butt, butt/Uh, I think I'll sing it again (c'mon)
They scratched their goatees and adjusted their bucket hats. What did this silver haired crooner mean by this?
Was he referring to her taking a giant shit? Did he find this attractive?
Will he sing it again? Indeed, he did.
She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck/thighs like what, what, what
All night long/Let me see that thong (c'mon)
Nearly 25 years later, this confusing scatological reference has become the primary way to refer to a woman’s ass.
How do we resolve this?
The case of Dump Truck Booty vs. Taking A Dump will now be resolved.
Our verdict: Dump truck booty wins out. We haven’t had a good new word for ass in a long time- “Fatty” is too generic, “Cake” never caught on, and people haven’t said “Badonkadonk” since Chapelle’s Show was on the air. “Dump Truck” is a welcome addition.
All hail the dump trucks.
The Aforementioned Thots
Hey Mom featuring princesss_jackie
Got milk? featuring iam.asiadoll
Stop looking at me with those eyes featuring juliaticaofficial
Who’s your favorite Tik Tok Thot this week? Know anyone else we should feature?
I Can Quit Anytime I Want
Highland Park 18 Year is aged in sherry seasoned oak casks in Orkney, Scotland. It won the Double Gold Medal at the 2017 San Francisco Spirits competition in addition to a number of other awards. Available here for $180.
Nice Watch, Bro
The Hamilton Khaki Field Mechanical is a reissue of the 1960’s original model and a tribute to Swiss military craftsmanship. Fun fact, this watch was worn by James Marsden in Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Available here for $575.