Tik Tok Thots: Thots and Prayers
Welcome to the latest issue of Tough Scene, a lifestyle newsletter for degenerates.
In this issue, we’ve got
-How to not throw a shitty party
-Christie Smythe gives advice
-The aforementioned Tik Tok Thots
Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and comment.
Happy Father’s Day
Tik Tok Thots: @immeganw
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You’re Celebrating The Wrong Way
It’s party time! Nothing like getting the people you care about together to celebrate the big moments in life.
Except your friends fucking hate you for inviting them to a poorly planned event and wasting their time.
What went wrong?
Here are some things to avoid to make sure your big event goes smoothly.
Birthday Parties: Group Dinners of 12 or More
Nothing better than sitting at a long table where you can only interact with the people in your immediate vicinity, getting five minutes of facetime with the birthday girl, then slapped with a huge bill at the end (birthday girl doesn’t pay, amirite?).
Not to mention the degree of difficulty in planning this- who’s running late? Who cancelled last minute? Oh, the restaurant doesn’t seat incomplete parties? C’mon Eric, what the fuck.
Just meet at the bar, let people come and go as they please, and buy you drinks.
Gender Reveal Parties: Having One
Don’t fucking do this.
Please believe us when we say that nobody in your friend group- guy or girl, old or young, friend or family- wants to attend a gender reveal party.
Just put out a Facebook announcement and spare everyone.
Kids Birthday Parties: No Alcohol
Glad we both knocked our wives up within the same calendar year and our kids were randomly assigned to the same class.
Now I’m in your backyard with a 33-year old wannabe actress dressed up like Elsa from Frozen, checking fantasy football and counting the minutes until it’s polite to leave.
At least put some booze out, let’s make this interesting.
Joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties: Just No
There’s no reason for this to even be a thing.
If she doesn’t “trust” you to have a night/weekend out with the guys, that’s a horrific sign of things to come.
If she doesn’t want to have a fun night/weekend out with the girls, that’s a very strange red flag.
Your friends will have plenty of time to mix at the rehearsal dinner and wedding.
Tik Tok Thots: @meggyeggo
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Christie Smythe Gives Advice
As an award-winning business and finance reporter, Christie Smythe came to fame after developing a relationship with “Pharma Bro” Martin Shrkeli as he served a prison sentence for fraud while writing about his story.
Ms. Smythe has written for Bloomberg News, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, and many other distinguished publications.
She’s here with the biggest journalistic honor of her career: giving advice to Tough Scene readers.
“A man is asking me for feet pics! Is it wrong to take his money and how much should I ask for?” -Amelia, Chicago, IL
CS: I know of no law against taking money for feet pics. Go for it. Nothing wrong with that if a guy is offering. Ask him how much he's willing to pay, and trust your instincts on whether that seems like enough. But even if it does, ask for more. Can't hurt.
“Who should pay on a first date and why should it always be the woman?” -Rob, Austin, TX
CS: Whoever asked for the date should pay on the first date.
“My side chick is insisting on seeing my place, obviously that can’t happen. What should I do?” -Greg, New York City, NY
CS: I believe in ethical non-monogamy. Be straight with your side chick about her being a side chick, and not wanting to get too involved. Some women are actually cool with that! It just helps to communicate the reasons for things.
You can read Christie’s first collaboration with Tough Scene here.
Have more questions for Christie? Leave them in the comments.
Tik Tok Thots: @juicy
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Look At This Hero
Tik Tok Thots: @ccabots
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